I’ve been seeking … something

03/31/2020

Aba,

It’s been a difficult couple of days for me. But, I’ve figured some things out about myself. Things that have been really bothering me, that I couldn’t figure out. I finally get why I’ve been seeking a man in my to be part of my life .... I t’s seems so simple now.

This morning I actually was missing him. Then I reminded myself the man I’m missing isn’t real. I’ve been trying to replace the man he pretended he was, and who I prayed he would someday become.

I’ve been looking for someone to fill the void. Someone who would help me through the loneliness that I have felt since the beginning of my relationship with him. I've been hoping for someone who would help fill the void was hiding in our marriage. I've been seeking a replacement to help me feel like it wasn't my fault. I've been daydreaming that a man will love me for me the way that I always hoped he felt and said he felt about me.

I have to let myself grieve the loss of the man I thought he was AND who I believed he had the potential to become.

I have to allow myself to feel the void, and instead of seeking validation from a man, I need to fill the void with the things that make me feel good, the things I enjoy, and the things I can step back and look at and say to myself ....

”I did that! And it’s pretty amazing!”

I’m getting there .... slowly ... but I’m getting there.

I Love you, your daughter,

Poiema