Updated: Apr 5
With all that’s going on it can be easy to focus on the bad things, the painful things, the gut wrenching, heartbreaking, lonely things ....
So I decided to make a list of some of the little miracles that have come out of the mess ....
Some of the good things
1. I’ve lost 70 lbs and my body feels better than ever because I discovered a rare food allergy .... I’m healthy and strong.
2. I learned that the reason I didn’t feel loved was because he isn’t capable of love the way most people are. It was never my fault
3. I was Baptized....something I’ve wanted to do for years and years
4. I’m learning about myself and love myself again, I communicate better than I used to, I accept who I am and where I am in this painful process. I no longer have to pretend or hide!
5. I have a wonderful Church with supportive and understanding people who care about me
6. I have wonderful supportive female friends, and have reconnected with my best friend from Jr High and High school, she loves and accepts me exactly as I am!
7. I gave an old friend closure for something that was never his fault (something horrible my husband did to him when we were in high school)
8. I reconnected with my oldest son, because we both have felt attacked and worthless and he now knows that I will not allow my husband to hurt my boys ever again!
9. I stood up for myself! I fought back! I see the lies, manipulation and mind games for what they are .....He can’t infect me with them anymore because God helps me understand what he is trying to do!
10. His opinion of me no longer matters! I will not allow him to make me feel worthless or small, because his opinion is wrong!!!!
11. I have a lot of special and unique qualities, the right man, a good man will want me for who I am, I will not be lonely forever! I do not need to settle, because I deserve to be loved in a healthy way, and I am good enough for a good man.
12. He thought he could talk me out of our court date, his lawyer had no time to prep so he agreed to all provisions and moved out before the COVID stay home order! - I would have been stuck in our house with him until at least June! Instead, he has been out since March 24th!
13. Because I had a bad evaluation at work the day of court, I realized how much he has disrupted my life and I decided to stand up to him ... he would either answer the phone when my lawyer calls or I was going to file for the protection order because of his abuse.
14. When our lawyers talked he agreed to everything, there were several hours before the judge called for the telephonic hearing, that would have given him time to think things over, and talk to the lawyer he hired the night before - at 5:30pm. When the judge asked if both parties agreed, his lawyer wasn’t talking. (Something wrong with the three way call?) But the agreement had already been made and the judge accepted it all.
15. Because we live out of district I didn’t know how I was going to get my son to school in The mornings, (He took him and said he wasn’t going to anymore, and I would have to quit my job, or work 2nd shift), Even though the virus is horrible, school being canceled until next year .... I now have time to sell my house and figure out how to get my son to school.
16. I’m creating art again, and I’m writing, they both bring me joy and are helping me heal
17. I’m finally finding peace .... not being controlled, put down, yelled at, belittled, and judged constantly
18. I will enjoy being independent .... but I’m still figuring that out
19. I trust God’s plan and know that someday I will have the kind of love that I always longed for but never thought was possible
20. I will become the woman God always intended me to be, using the gifts and qualities he created within me .... no more roadblocks!
21. I will be free to be myself, to be happy, to be joyful!
22. My boys will know they are loved and accepted for who they are. They do not have to become who their dad “expects” them to be. They are unique, they have their own opinions and personalities and that makes them beautiful!