The Toxic Relationship Pattern

Updated: Sep 17


Love Bombing

~exciting ~fairy tail ~seductive ~intoxicating

~lots of attention ~euphoric

~instant attraction ~move fast

~understood ~generous

~quick love ~magical connection

~remember everything about you


Once they know they have you

(You say you’re in love, you move in

together, you open up)


Devaluing

~little digs ~subtle put downs ~comparison ~laugh at your dreams ~guilt ~shaming ~nit pick ~contemptuous ~hurtful teasing


You self-blame (it was so wonderful, what happened, it must be my fault)


Discard

~lying ~cheating

~silent treatment

~use your vulnerabilities to hurt you

~deeper manipulation

~threat of break up or do break up


You see this isn’t healthy, you start to pull away (you may be the one to break up)


Hoovering

~suck you back in ~gifts ~attention

~love bombing round 2

~say flattering things

~admit they were wrong

~say you are the only one they want


Future Faking

~promise therapy ~promise to change ~promise to work on things

~promise what you want


This cycle causes a trauma bond.


Trauma Bond

A cycle of emotional addiction, with intense ups and downs, where you keep coming back in hopes that the behaviors will change.


This bond is so powerful that the rational brain can be aware of the dysfunction, but you feel powerless to leave. The re-enactment of this dynamic feels like “soul-mates” or a deep connection; you believe you need each other because you can’t stay away from each other.

Gaslighting

(A tactic used to groom you, and test the waters)

~doubt in your reality ~accusations

~denial of the truth in a manipulative manor

~skilled lie to make you believe you remember wrong

~when you react they cause you to believe you are forgetful or mentally ill



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