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Real love takes time

Updated: Mar 20


Real love takes time.  Honest love does not jump immediately into making unrealistic promises (like moving to be with me after only talking for a week), does not compliment with only superficial qualities (like beauty, and body) and ignore any other special and unique things about me.  Real love will not be all-in one day and then ignore me the next.  Real love will want to protect me, not hurt me and put me down.

I pray for the real thing.  I have to wait for the real thing or risk getting sucked in by someone exactly like, if not worse than Him.  I know in my heart I deserve more, I deserve the real thing, I deserve a good man, I deserve the man that God has planned for me. 

I like who I am, I know who I am, and I know what I want.  I am proud of what I have been through, of what I have overcome, and how long I tried to make things work with a man who did not love me.  He believed he loved me, but he does not understand love in the normal sense.  He wants to be adored, taken care of, worshiped, but doesn’t see that he sucks the life out of everyone around him with his demands and cruelty. 


I will not settle for less than what I have been praying for.  My boys deserve to see how a man should treat a woman, my boys deserve to see a man who is respectful, kind, loving, affectionate, and caring.  My boys deserve to see their mom in a happy healthy relationship, not a series of bad relationships just because their mom is lonely.  The right man is worth waiting for.  

I am an amazing woman, and a good man will see that, and will appreciate me for my quirkiness. 

The right man will be a good man and will love me for my creative, over thinking mind, over feeling heart, and my faithful spirit.  A good man will not put me down and make me feel small in order to make himself feel superior. 

A good man will appreciate and love me for who I am, and will not treat me with cruelty but with gentleness.  He will see and know that I am kind, tender hearted, passionate, creative, fun, energetic, and caring.  He won’t mind that sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I cuss, sometimes I doubt myself, sometimes I’m fearful that he will break my heart because of my past. 

This man that God has created for me, he will understand all of me and he will love me still.  This man that God has for me will look at me with tenderness, love, desire and passion in his eyes.  He will not scream at me, control me, belittle me, put me down or intentionally hurt me, because he is good to the core of his soul.  He will have empathy just like me, he will need touch just as I do, he will crave my touch, just as I crave his.  

I pray for a partner, lover, and friend who I can trust with my life, my heart, my love, for the rest of my life. 

We will motivate each other, inspire each other, and strengthen each other.  We will be excited to be together, to talk to each other, and spend time together. We will share adventures together, and we will share friends who we enjoy and friends who enjoy “us”.  We will spend time with our own friends apart from each other in a healthy way.  He will have good supportive male friends and he will not isolate me from my friends.

We will look forward to sharing our ideas with each other, and will build on our ideas as partners.  We will appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses and will never use them to hurt each other.

There will be times when we can’t keep our hands off each other, times when we can’t stop laughing with each other, and times when we are at total peace just holding each other.  We will love each other so completely that we will feel comfortable in our own skin; we will enjoy lying naked in each other’s arms, caressing each other, and pleasuring each other.   


We will trust each other fully; we will communicate honestly and with kindness.  We will be grateful to have found our perfect match and will know God brought us together. 

We will never betray each other because we will only have eyes for each other.  Our hearts will belong to God first and then each other, because both brought us together.  We will enjoy activities together, we will travel together, we will build a life and a business together. 

We will thrive as partners and as individuals.  We will find and enjoy our individuality because of how we are loved by each other. 

We will trust each other fully; we will respect each other, understand each other, and will know that we would never do anything to intentionally hurt each other. 

I pray for a man I can trust, who eliminates my lonely.  I pray for a man who eliminates my soul’s starvation for touch, and passion. 

I pray for a man who erases this longing to feel wanted, needed, taken care of, and honestly, fully loved.      

This man is honest, honorable, single, a Christian.

This man is thoughtful, kind, and affectionate. 

This man loves my boys, is respectful, nonjudgmental, hardworking, dependable, supportive, and has good morals.   

This man is passionate with me, confident but not arrogant, good looking but not perfect, mature, and understanding.  

This man likes my weirdness (even my snort when I laugh too hard), he teases but with kindness not cruelty, he flirts with me, desires me, supports me, and is vulnerable with me. 


This man has a teachable spirit, he says he is sorry and means it, and has good communication skills.  

This man trusts me, and honors me.  

This man is fun, creative, and loves music.

This man loves animals, loves the country, and lakes, he loves the mountains, and being outdoors, but can enjoy living anywhere.  

This man is adventurous but also likes to take it slow sometimes.


This man is comforting; he helps me to heal rather than hurting me more, I feel peaceful and safe when he holds me in his arms.


This man likes himself but is not boastful or rude, he is smart, yet humble.  

This man has a good stable job.

This man inspires me, and laughs with me.  

This man is a wonderful lover who makes me feel sexy, irresistible, wanted, desirable, comfortable being naked with him and not judged.  He is sweet with me and tender.  

This man looks for and finds the good in others but is also not one to be taken advantage of.  

This man is brave and does not allow him to manipulate or intimidate him.


This man doesn’t hurt me or control me, he doesn’t block my way when I need space, he doesn’t manipulate me, or lie to me, he doesn’t push me to get what he wants, or punish me when he doesn't.   

This man doesn’t put me down, or make me feel small, stupid or confused.


This man has empathy and if I am hurting it hurts him too. He has a forgiving spirit and doesn’t hold grudges. 

This man doesn’t take advantage of my kindness, looking at it as weakness but instead sees it as strength.  

This man has a good support system of friends and family, his family loves me and my family and friends love him.

This man will grow old with me; he will not leave me for a younger more energetic version of me. This man believes in the Holy Spirit.


This man is protective of me and wants to protect me in a loving and caring way, but he also understands my need for space and independence.  

This man has great male friends who he spends time with without me, while he also encourages me to spend time with my female friends. 

When this man looks at me I feel beautiful, loved, wanted, cared for, and sexy.  

This man wants to know what I think and he likes the way my mind works.  

This man is understanding of my scars from him and he doesn’t use them to hurt me, but instead he loves me all the more for my courage, my strength, and my ability to love after what I’ve overcome.  

This man doesn’t compare what he has done to what I have done to make himself look good, and feel superior.

This man doesn’t always have to be right.  

This man holds me when I cry and doesn’t push me when I need emotional space.  

This man loves my writing, my words, my way of thinking and expressing myself.  

This man loves me for all of me and will do whatever he can to show me how much he loves me, in a healthy and caring way.    


God, this is the man I’m waiting for.  Please, please don’t make me wait too long.  I have never truly been loved.  I know now that is not my fault, I am not worthless or defective.  I know in my heart all of this is possible.  But God, I feel like I’m starving for lack of love from the right man.  Only you know what must happen in order for this man to become my partner, please keep protecting us both.  Please put into motion whatever must come so that we can be together soon. 

Please God, no more suffering, no more heartbreak, no more pain, I beg you protect us both and let us find delight in you and in each other.  I lay this at the foot of the cross of your son Jesus Christ and pray in his name for all of this.  Thank you for never leaving me, thank you for always protecting me, thank you for revealing things a little at a time so that I didn’t break under the weight of the trauma caused by my husband.  Please God set me free.  Amen.

***I ache to be with the kind of man who matches me, in how I think, and how I feel about faith, philosophy, work ethic, emotional needs, and love langue so that we will not be confused by each other’s actions and reactions.  I pray for a man who sees my openness, my willingness to share my feelings and what I hope to receive from him as a valuable quality instead of weakness.  I pray for a man who is willing to share with me his feelings and what he would like from me in order to feel valued and loved in an open and kind way.   

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