My heart is broken

11/19/19 10:45 pm

God I come to you with an open and broken heart. Please hear my cry for my husband. He needs you God, he needs to know he is worthy of love, of forgiveness, of acceptance.

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what’s in my husband’s heart, only you do. I believe with all of my heart that Your intention is not to harm, but to heal and prosper. And only You know if that is supposed to happen together or apart.

I choose love, because no matter what he has done, he deserves love, and I believe that You placed that love for him within me so that I would not give up on him when so many others would have. I believe You do have a purpose for this suffering and that only when we are broken and lost can we find real healing, and the purest love, in You and in each other.

He has to choose. He has to be brave, and he has to be willing to turn to you rather than running away or seeking ways to numb his pain. He has been hurting for so long. Please help him, please show me what to do, tell me what to say, and help me to be still and listen when that is what is needed.

I am willing as your servant, to do whatever it takes to save him. If I have to let him go, if I have to file for divorce, if I have to move on so that he can grow and heal alone, I will make that sacrifice, no matter how much it breaks my heart, if that is what you need me to do I will do that to save him. I am so far from perfect, I’ve already made so many mistakes. It is so very hard to let go, to put the fear and doubt out of my mind. I’m trying God, and I’m so thankful that you forgive me no matter how many times I fall.

God, if he is willing to be open, if he is willing to get help, talk about his past, talk about the lying and the cheating, examine why he has made the choices he has, and start treating me with respect and love, I will stand by him. I will work through his trauma as a partner who loves him, I will accept him and will work very hard not to judge him for his betrayals.

If all of this is linked to a past trauma of his own, please help him to face it and heal. If he seeks you, if he forthcoming and honest, if he breaks down the walls he has built around his emotions, if he stops the constant lying, has remorse and empathy, if he stops being defensive and blaming and starts admitting his wrongs, if he stops drinking, if he shows and acts with remorse rather than revenge, if he chooses love and is willing to make sacrifices for those he loves and who love him, I will do what it takes to fulfill my vows, and be strong for him.

His affair with Her was different, I believe he actually did think he was in love with her and that is why it hardened his heart towards me. He has been callous and cold with me when he is with her. Only You know if he will continue to betray me, if he will have lust in his heart for others and turn away from you.

Only You know if he will turn to You while asking You to give him the strength to resist any temptations. Only You know if he will ever be willing to be humble, remorseful, and willing to do whatever it takes to calm the wake of the raging water he has left behind him.

Please, You have heard my cries, you have felt my pain, my sorrow, my confusion, my devastating depression from the grief of losing the man I love. God, please renew his spirit, please melt his heart, please clean his soul, please fill him with a desire so strong that he will not be able to resist LOVE.

Please lead him to faithfulness, honor, courage, dignity, forgiveness, peace and grace. God please remove his shattered, fractured, calloused, hardened heart and replace it with a teachable, kind, humble and loving heart that turns to you, seeking wisdom and strength always.

You Alone can help him to see, hear and know .....he cannot do this alone, he can not depend on his own understanding, he needs You. And if he wants me, please show him what to do to repair our broken marriage. Please reveal to him that only when he is open, truthful, humble, patient, kind, forgiving, brave, faithful, honest, pure of heart, and strong enough to be my husband will I feel loved and cherished by him.

Please Lord, renew his spirit. Use Your Holy Spirit inside of him to create in him a discerning heart that will not only distinguish between right and wrong but that he will want to choose the right path, that turns to You when he is weak, and chooses truth over lies always!

Probe his heart, a heart that has been filled with so much anguish Lord. Help him to discern that nothing hidden in darkness is hidden from you. Relieve his troubled heart, deliver him from deceit, deliver him from the pain that has stored such conflict and fear within him.

Deliver my husband from any servants of the enemy that want nothing more than to destroy him, to destroy our family, to rip apart our family, because the enemy fears what we will become, who we will become once we are healed and living for You and not our selfish selves.

Help me to choose love as You intended, as an action, a choice, not an emotion, but by deliberate intentional actions. With all my heart God, please save my husband, please help me to save my husband, please help me to save my family, please help me to save my precious boys! Please tell me what to do, because even though my heart belongs to You, it is also filled with sorrow, confusion and fear.

It is so very hard to let go God, but I heard you and I am trying to let go of the man I thought he was. I‘m working on letting go of the pain and rejection. I’m working to let go of control, to let go of trying to “catch him.”

Only he can choose truth, and I accept him for the man he is. I believe his actions have a reason, and deserve understanding, but I can not forgive, accept, and move on from what I do not know, from what he hides, and from what he refuses to ask for forgiveness for.

By Your strength Alone I am strong, inside I am weeping, everyday hoping and praying for what does not happen......for honesty above all things, for respect, and for LOVE.

Please be my anchor in this storm. Lead my husband so he can heal, and therefore heal this family! I can not live the way things are now, the fear, doubt, blame, lies, fighting and put downs are drowning my soul in anguish.

God, please with all of my spirit, my heart and my soul, I am begging you, tell me what to do. In the name of your son Jesus Christ and by his blood I pray to you Amen.