Updated: Jan 23
He has helped me heal
I love how he respects me, talks to me, and encourages me
I love how he has lived his life
I love how he inspires me, how he makes me feel about myself, how he has helped me find my confidence
I love his ability to call me out on what I’m doing wrong in a gentle and kind way
I am in love with his willingness to accept me as I am and not give up on me
I am in love with the way he thinks, the words he uses, his sense of humor
I am in love with his bravery, his vulnerability, his honesty, and his tender heart that he guards
I am in love with his wisdom, his intelligence, his kindness, his concern for me
I love how he adapts to situations depending on who he needs to be in that moment
I love his beautiful expressive eyes, I believe I can see how he is feeling in his eyes even when he tries to hide
I love his voice, his laugh, his song
He never ignores me, he makes me feel like I matter enough to him no matter what he has going on
He has helped me become braver, stronger, wiser, more self assured
He has helped me decide not to settle for someone just because I’m lonely and longing to be loved ... I will measure every man against him
I am in love with his courage to live the life he has, his past his present, his future
I am in love with the nerdy little boy who had a crush on me, who adored me because I sang, who got into his first fight because of me, who based his life philosophy on me because he wasn’t ever going to have a “what if” again
I am in love with how he adored me when we were young and how he genuinely cares for me as the person I am now
I love a man that I cannot be with, miles apart, he already has a life and has no need for me.
My heart breaks searching for ways to let him go because I know I should not love him as I do, how can I love someone I haven’t seen in person? How can I love someone I’ve never touched?
I long to reach for him, touch him, hold him, touch his cheek as we kiss, and to feel his soft lips on mine.
I long to listen to him talk about his life, his dreams, his passions and future. I long for him to know he is safe with me, that I will support him and his dreams, that I am loyal, faithful, and honest.
I long for him to understand how hard I resisted my feelings for him, but that who he is, the man he is, and everything I see in him I couldn't resist.
I long to tell him how he inspires me, brings joy and courage just by being who he is with me.
I long to hear his voice, hear him laugh, and to see him smile.
Maybe it’s not real, maybe it’s just a fantasy
Maybe we won’t ever be able to hold each other.
Loving him is wonderful and painful.
Wanting him is easy. Not having a fighting chance because of his situation it’s devastating.
Now, he is my “what if”
***I never did see him in person. Loving this man helped me to learn that I was capable of love even after everything I went through. He came out of no where, completely unexpected. He will always be the man I measure others against. I still cry for him. I still think of him often. I am so grateful for him being there when he was. The day I was demoted - he made me laugh, I actually laughed as I was cleaning out my beautiful office, packing up years of hard work and sacrifice. He was a light in some of my darkest moments.
I believe with all my heart that God puts specific people in our lives exactly when we need them. Some stay only for a heartbeat, others a little longer, very few last forever. We have to learn the lessons each relationship brings and be grateful for them.