Hearing him manipulate
Updated: Feb 17
He picked another fight with me. I asked him to take “E” with him when he plannned to drop “C” off at his mom’s ... “E” is grounded for a vape and condom that I found in his backpack. I found them Friday after He left the house.
I found them because He had hidden the car keys from me. He didn’t want me to go anywhere while he was gone. He refused to tell me where he hid them. Until finally after many messages and phone calls, he told me the keys were in the dinning room but he still didn’t say where. He seemed to enjoy making me feel powerless and angry. I felt like he was playing some childish game of keep away, and I was the monkey in the middle being taunted and teased.
I was furious that he was trying to control me, that he thought he had the right to make me stay home. I sent another message asking where he hid the keys and he finally told me he put them in “E’s” bag.
Then tonight, after I asked him why “E” can’t go with him to take “C” to spend the night...he blamed me. He changed the subject and put everything back on me. He said that I write down the times when he picks up the boys so I can keep track of him. He was wrong about why I keep track of things.
I tried to explain to him that I write down when he picks up and when I pick up because he has, many times in the past, said that I don’t EVER pick up the boys. He said he didn’t believe me. He said that I write down when he picks up the boys from practice and what time he gets back and that “it’s weird.”
I told him that I also keep track of some of his “runs” because he lied. I caught him and he was running to his girlfriend’s house. When he ran to her house he wouldn’t answer his phone or text messages. I told him how I also have written down details and dates of our fights because he changes things around, lies and makes everything my fault, or says a fight never even happened.
If I don’t write this stuff down I end up allowing him to convince me that I don’t know what I’m talking about. He makes me feel stupid. He finds ways to convince me that I must be remembering wrong.
He didn’t like my explanation and he claimed I keep track of him so I can control him. Once again he said “it’s weird.”
Him talking to the boys....
I was at the top of the stairs and could hear everything, so I took these notes on my phone as he was talking to our boys….
“This is what I have to do to prove that I’m at my parents....”
“It’s humiliating for her. We are going to argue no matter what. She didn’t even go to your dang game.“
~Of course he didn’t mention that he’s the reason I didn’t go. I said I wanted to go, he told me no one wanted me there.~
“....look I have no problem doing the location thing,”
~”E” had suggested he send me his location when I call or text asking where he is, rather than having an app that shows his and my location at any time.~
"That’s fine, but just so you know it’s kind of humiliating and I’m getting over it ....especially when I’m at Dicks and she reams me for that.
~Another manipulation because I didn’t get upset that he was at Dick’s, I went for a walk while he was gone, he was angry I was gone so long, even though he wasn’t home.~
“So what do you guys think? Just be done with it? Be done?”
“E”...”I don’t want to deal with it at all, I’m just done with it. But, I want you guys to stay together.”
"I’m frustrated because I have a good day with her in the morning and then it changes. Did I get upset with her for sleeping most of the day? The entire day I didn’t do anything but do what I’m supposed to do...take you everywhere, take you to Burger King, I was doing what dad’s are supposed to do....You’re going to go with me so she doesn’t blow a gasket like this...Can I just ask you guys your opinion. Have I been acting irrationally?”
“So just think about how she’s been acting today, and then establish your opinion... She berates me in texts everyday, you should she the books she sends me. It’s just hard all the text every single day.....”
After hearing only part of how he is lying and manipulating our boys .... I can’t stay any more. This is how he talks about me when I’m not around! This is what he thinks of me!
I‘m hurting so badly, how can he do this? Why is he telling our boys these lies? Why does he act this way? Why doesn’t he care about the damage he is causing, not just to me, but to our boys also? What am I supposed to do? Please help me.
I love you, Your daughter,