Am I Selfish?
Updated: Mar 8
11/2/19
Why I can’t do this anymore..... just going to pick up my son from his Aunt and Uncle’s, my fears kick in… ‘Is he going to call her? Text her? Run over and spend 30 minutes with her?’
It’s never going to end, because I cannot trust him it’s too hard to keep this up when he won’t do anything to help me be able to trust anything he tells me.
Please help me God. Keep working in my spirit. He was right that I did put myself at a different standard when it came to how he was treating me and how I was treating him. I have blamed it on his affair, that because he had an affair I had the right to treat him poorly, that I expected him to accept it and not react. That was so wrong of me. Thank you God for allowing the Holy Spirit to help me accept that and tell him he was right. I have been doing that often. Please help him to see your influence on and in me .... help him to seek you because of me.
Please continue to give me strength, courage, and love. I don’t know what he needs only You do. Please help him so he can become the man that YOU want him to be, not the man I want him to be. I haven’t been praying the right way have I? I have been selfish, wanting him to change for me. God please save my husband, please work on his heart, and change him for YOU. God, I have never stopped loving him. I hate what he did, and I hate the lies. But I have NEVER hated him.
Please help me, please lead me with YOUR spirit, to speak truth, love, and wisdom. Father in heaven I don’t want a divorce. I do long for honesty.... always, I long for trust, for open communication, I long for pure love, and more than anything I long for healing for my husband!!!
Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit and help me to accept and see what I am doing wrong. Help me to speak what YOU want me to speak.
Forgive me for speaking harshly and in anger. Thank you for healing my wounds. Even though my scars will always be part of my story, please use them in a way that will glorify You.
Thank you for your wisdom and strength. Please help me to see and know which path you want me to take. I don’t know what to do or what to say. In the name of your blessed son Jesus Christ and by his blood I pray. Amen.