Updated: Aug 18, 2022
If you recognize the tactics I share, the fights, the lies that I believed, the excuses I made for my husband’s behavior, ….If you relate on a deeper level than you ever have, I’m so sorry but you may be a victim of abuse.
You may believe everything is your fault. You may believe the people you love would be better off without you. You may believe there is no hope, and that no one understands what you are feeling. You may not know how you happened to be on this this site, but I’m here to tell you there is a reason you are here! It is not a coincidence that you are reading this. There is hope and you are not alone!
I could be your sister, your friend, your neighbor, your co-worker, your daughter …..
I am a survivor of abuse. It took me years to see that I was being abused. I believed everything was my fault. I hid his poor behavior, I was forced to lie for him, I made so many excuses to others and mostly to myself. I didn’t see the patterns, the control, and the manipulation until a specific set of circumstances changed everything!
I am not ashamed of my mistakes, my blindness, my beliefs or my prayers.
I do not blame God for my husband’s choices, his mistress’s choices or my own choices. I believe my creator tried over and over to protect me and lead me. He knew what I did not. He saw and heard what I did not. He tried to prevent me from more suffering, but I didn’t always understand and sometimes I refused to listen.
I‘m not always obedient. I don’t consider myself a “good“ Christian. I am a work in progress.
For now it is necessary for me to protect my children and myself from our abuser. So, even though I am going to be completely open about everything….my pain, my confusion, my mistakes, and my raw emotions along this journey, in a way I am still hiding. I have changed the names of those involved.
I’m glad you are here. It’s time for the truth to be revealed.
*Please note the dates of the posts. The date corresponds with the actual date they were written.
My journey has been one of many ups and downs. There have been road blocks along the way. My faith is the one constant that has kept me moving. Healing from 29 years of emotional, phycological, sexual, financial, and eventually physical abuse is extremely difficult work. It takes self-awareness, willingness to feel and release those feelings, it takes courage, honesty, and the ability to give yourself grace. Having people who understand the struggle is the best way to get through the hard times.
Letting yourself rest and not feel guilty for the rest is important. It can be difficult to figure out how to change your mindset, but with the creator of the universe on your side, He will find a way to help you, you just have to be willing to be 100% honest - He already knows anyway, so why not ask Him for help?