A Narcissist’s Truth

January 2020

I prayed to you that night, and asked you to help me know how to confront him about his drinking in secret.  

I saw him when I was coming down the stairs.  He was standing in the driveway, behind the open trunk of the Jeep.  What was he doing?  I watched him as he looked around, like he was making sure no one was watching, but he didn't look up at the house, he didn’t see me.  I saw him take out a huge bottle of vodka he had hidden in the back of my car, he lifted it to his mouth and chugged.  He put it down, looked around again, still never looking towards me and he took another long gulp, gulp, gulp.  He put it down, shivered and then hid the bottle again.  

There have been so many times that I could tell he'd been drinking a lot. Any time I asked him about it he'd convince me I was crazy or say I was just trying to make excuses for a fight that was really my fault. 

The old me would have addressed it right away, but this time I prayed and waited. And You gave me clarity. 

After I waited a bit, I went out to the Jeep, found the bottle, smelled it (so he couldn't claim it was water like he’s done before).  I took the bottle to the sink, and dumped it down the drain. I asked Your Spirit to take over when I went to talk to him. I knew I couldn't do it without You.  

When I sat next to him on the couch I asked him if he had been drinking.  He lied, and said he had one beer. I asked him if he drank more than that and he comes back with, 

"You're right, I had 2 beers"

"Is that a problem?" 

I told him, 

"No, but I believe you might have had more than that."

He continued with more lies and they were shockingly convincing. If I had not physically seen him chugg from that bottle, (the one I just dumped out), I would have believed he only had two beers!  

I was shocked with that realization; I nearly believed his lies even though I SAW him drink from that bottle! You helped me understand; I believed his lies because he is an exceptional liar! 

I told him I knew the truth.  His reaction was strange, especially when I told him I dumped the rest of the vodka out. I expected rage. I expected him to be furious that I wasted money by pouring the vodka down the drain. I expected retaliation, because that was his typical behavior towards me, especially when he’d been caught in a lie. 

I was a bit in shock, but I didn’t let it show thanks to Your Spirit being in control. I told him I didn’t understand how he could be so convincing. I asked him (really wanting to understand),

"How do you do that? How can you make a lie seem true?"

He actually admitted,

"It's not really a lie if what I'm saying is true.  I did have two beers."

"I tell the truth and leave out the rest.  Then I'm convinced and so are you"

"So really, I'm not lying, I'm just not telling you all of it." 

"It's on you if you assume I'm not leaving anything out." 

I told him I didn't get it, why not just tell the truth? 

He said,

"Why should I?" 

I told him because it's wrong.  

He said,

"It's not wrong. I told you the truth." 

You opened my eyes at that moment. He is not the person I thought he was. He does not understand the difference between right and wrong.  He believes what he is saying, and so long as he feels like he is right, he can justify anything he does. 

I have felt so foolish for not seeing the truth. I only see it now because of You.