The Throne of My Heart
01/2023 The throne of my heart is not some elegant showy place to sit, and someone who desires glamorous things over quality would not...
Why I Write
I didn’t know I was a victim of abuse. I knew something was off, but I'm the type of person who looks for the good in all people, so I fell for the lies. I was nearly 16 when I met him. I didn’t know anything about 'toxic' people, or high conflict personalities. In my journals, I sometimes compared his drastic mood swings to Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I believed the “nice guy” was the 'real' him, and that I had done something to cause Mr. Hyde to appear.
I’m sharing with you in hopes to educate anyone who is seeking a better understanding of emotional abuse. The effects are devastating, difficult to explain and confusing. It can be easy for someone to say, “I wouldn’t put up with that. I would have left a long time ago. Why did you stay if it was so bad?”
I wish I would have known what to look out for. I believed one of the lies he often told; that he was becoming a better person because of my influence. I didn't understand I was being manipulated, controlled and abused. I believed that abuse meant being covered in bruises, (which did happen at the end), but I didn’t know anything about the effects of emotional abuse.
Even though revisiting my past, and part of my present is traumatic, my hope is that by using the years of journals I've written that I have an opportunity to expose patterns (his and mine), that will reveal the unknowns of emotional abuse. Keep in mind both woman and men are victims of this type of abuse. I write from my point of view as a woman, but this type of abuse happens to men too.
Aside from exposing the truth, I also aim to arm you. Education gives you power over the abuse. If you ask, your creator will give you strength and grace during the emotional struggle while you educate yourself. And this blog will give you authenticity so that you will know you aren't a failure, it's not your fault, you have been abused, you might have set backs (just like me), but you are not alone!
“Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”